Single Parents....whether you are single and just happen to be a parent or you truly are holding things down on your own, don't let anyone tell you what your future will be like based on their negative assumptions. Here's what I mean...
I had an ex who used to tell me that I would never find anyone who would deal with me and 3 kids. His goal? To get me to keep settling for him and our verbally abusive relationship...Then my ex-fiance' came along and changed my mindset about that lie. After we split, someone else told me I was a "dub" (a wrap, a lost cause for those who don't know lol) because I had 4 kids and I might as well be single for the rest of my life. His goal? To keep me thinking that he was my only option even after he had already proven that he would only pick me up, use me and tuck me away until he felt like using me again....Then yet another man came along and still wanted all of me, including my four kids.
Now, I could've settled for that man because he was a great guy but his purpose didn't align with my own. I had to accept that while he was a great guy, he wasn't my guy that God had set aside specially for me.
That second guy? The user? Told me that I should definitely hang it up after my 5th child. By now I had gotten really good at laughing in his face and my block ministry was and is hella strong lol. I let him know that his plan to keep me available to him without the actual commitment had failed and to have a nice life. I could've settled for him too because he was familiar but that came with non-negotiables that I wasn't willing to expose my children to. And lo and behold, God still sent some men to remind me that I still had hope if I would just hold out and WAIT for His best. Not that impatient waiting where you say you're waiting but you keep picking the situation back up and try to play god in your own life...nah, truly WAIT in cheerful expectancy (yall know that's my phrase right there lol).
What did I do then? I focused on me and the ROOT of the issues behind these decisions that I kept making. I was lonely and I kept operating out of and making decisions out of that loneliness. I was basically telling God that I didn't think that He and myself were enough. That I didn't trust Him in this area of my life. That I didn't truly believe that His promise to send my husband was real. That had to change.
My future husband isn't here yet to take his place to lead our family, that's ok. But I also know who he isn't, especially those manipulators. I pray that you single parents out there realize that there is someone out there who will love you the way you want and deserve to be loved; don't settle for someone who seems nice or just good enough or even those who you have a familiar history with (that chapter is closed, move on boo.) Make sure to hold out for God's best for you. Don't let anyone, including you, make you feel like you don't deserve the best love. The love that is reflective of God's love for you.
Your past relationships failed, not you. You are not defective. You are not in need of a price reduction. Stop giving discounts just because you've made mistakes. Stop operating, loving and settling out of your broken, defeated past home. You don't live there anymore. As of today you are evicted from that place. You're not unworthy of God's best just because the last few relationships didn't work (even if none of them worked out you still can receive it). He wants to give it to you because He loves you. If God gave His gifts because we deserved them we would be hit; you are worth them because He claims you as His own.
Think about it this way, often times as parents we give our kids gifts even when they haven't been on their best behavior or made some poor decisions. He's our Father and does the same.
Don't ignore the red flags just because you're lonely or because they love you and that love has made you blind. I used to think so lowly of myself that I would overlook ANYTHING just because a man loved me. It was like, someone actually loves ME? Me, who keeps messing up, repeating the same cycles and still ain't learned from the mistakes? Oh, he has to be the one simply because he can love such a wretch. No honey, that's Jesus who gets the praise for loving my wretched self, bae gotta come with more than that ok? lol
Being brave enough to love again is a process with the goal being to get it right. Problem is most of us quit or settle before we get it right. My mistakes do not disqualify me from being smart enough to hold out for the best. They don't disqualify me from receiving what God wants to bless me with. My children are not a burden that my husband has to "put up with" in order to be with me. They aren't a justification for settling for crap or for less than I deserve; they are the reason that I CAN'T settle. It is because of them that I am not allowed to accept anything less than the best so that they know that they are worth the same; simply because of Who's we are.
Be blessed, I love you and there's nothing you can do about it.
The Catalyst Coach
Fly With Me! Hope you're ready for one heck of an adventure! You never know what will happen!!!!
Author and Women's Wellness Coach.